The Master Plan

The power of WORDS. You hear it all the time. One persuasive essay has the potential to change the world. But isn't it ridiculous how many times something can be repeated to you throughout your life before you finally wake the fuck up!? And sometimes its too late.
Here are a few examples of things that sound over-used and just downright corny:

• "Don't know what you got 'til its gone" -Hair metal sensation Cinderella
• "The love of money is the root of all evil" -A pedophile/rapist
• " You know what, sometimes I’ll walk my dogs and fill bags full of massive dog s**t. Then I’ll wrap them as Christmas presents and give them to people." -Kesha

Wait what?
But seriously. Think about some of the cheesiest things you are told. One day you'll be able to relate if you haven't already!

I  bring this up because I have recently made the decision to turn my life around. You'd think I would have done this sooner considering I have been warned plenty of times and even offered help. Some say that if you're stuck in a downward spiral you've got to hit rock bottom before you get back up and ascend. I say FUCK THE SPIRAL: get up whenever the fuck you want to!!!
                                                                                 
Note: Cinderella may or may not be extremely retarded. Join the fight against leopard print on penises

 

                                                    

War! What IS it good for?

False Flag Attacks
Try this one at home: Kill your ugly cat Muffins and blame it on your neighbors. Convince your son little Jimothy that Muffins was only the beginning unless the neighbors meet their demise before your whole family goes down. You can do this by hypnotically repeating the word terror/ism/ists which will strike fear into his heart. Now give little Jimothy an M16 and a package of Hostess "ding-dongs" and send him across the lawn to do the dirty work. Once your neighbors are dead and little Jimothy is well on his way to being diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder feel free to transform what was once your neighbors house into a killer hangout spot for you and your friends. Don't forget to tell Jimothy that he isn't allowed in.

• The Oklahoma City Bombing
•  The Gulf of Tonkin Incident
•  The 9/11 Terrorist Attacks 

This just in: If you don't think for yourself you could end up like 

Kesha

Educate yourselves people. 

 

Carnivore VS Herbavore

 I watch a lot of YouTube videos. When I'm not sleeping, eating, or hitting the crack pipe I tend to GEEK out online, folks. Its recently been brought to my attention that ANIMAL CRUELTY is still a "thing". Whatever the fuck that means. As per usual hunters struggle with the English language to debate their right to kill and eat anything they happen to run over on the side of the road. Following suit the narcissistic PETA freaks try too hard to utilize their "extensive" vocabularies and arrogant views on "World Peace" in order to make these lovable gun toting hunters seem mentally deficient just because they don't give a goddamn about a hippie's opinion on how one should live their life.

As far as animal cruelty goes I'm, in no way, happy about it. Am I going to do something about it? Am I going to lead a vegetarian/vegan lifestyle? Probably not. So the least I can do is establish how I feel with a LIST.

• Animals kill other animals: This is fact. 
• I'm too fucking lazy to explore other protein options: Now this really shouldn't be an issue because I find that meat and tofu (when prepared correctly) are very similar in taste. I can only conclude that I'm fat and don't give a fuck beyond ranting about it online. 
• Watching a PETA video makes me throw up in my mouth. Until I forget about it a day or so later.
• Humans are no better than any other mammal. Yes I am aware that our communication, culture, and technology is something all our own. For most people this gives a feeling of self worth and superiority over other mammals on this earth. I don't agree with this. While we may have an entirely different way of living and communicating I don't truly believe it to be any BETTER than the lifestyle of other animals. Lets face it, ladies and gentleman. We are all animals.
• The way in which our country slaughters its animals IS, in fact, questionable. This is why we leave that dirty job up to those who are less sensitive. In general killing another living thing is questionable but who gives a fuck? As long as my chicken fajitas don't have eyes on them I'ma be eating that shit! 

In a perfect world I would be capable of running outside, jumping on a cows back, and punching it in the face until it dies. Because in my opinion if you can watch an animal die and then eat that same animal afterwards then you truly deserve to enjoy your carcass. Is this a perfect world? Fuck no! This is America and I'm and American hypocrite. This may not be a perfect world but supposedly its a "free" one. Long live my right to be a fat, selfish, and hypocritical American.

In other news the ocean is still big....